Whats jokes

What's white, red, and screams a lot?

A baby in a blender.

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't f***ing matter, it's still not f***ing coming.

What does the cell ride to work?

A vesicle.

What was the epileptic chef’s house special?

Seizure salad.

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?

Duhhuuughhhr.

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!

Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.