What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Whats Jokes
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What's Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card?
BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.