Whats jokes
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The wheelchair.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?
Innocent.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.