Whats jokes
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable in a wheelchair?
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Q: What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant?
A: On The Border.
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"