What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Whats Jokes
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheeles.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What’s worse than Sally in one trash can?
Sally in 13 trash cans.
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What is a baby's favorite song?
"Baby" by Justin Bieber.
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
What's the difference between a boy and gold?
More people want gold.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull dozer.
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
What's the difference between a noodle and a scaboodle fladooodle?