What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
Whats Jokes
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
What’s green, fuzzy, and falls out of a tree? A pool table.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?
Your next door grumpy old neighbor.
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.