Whats jokes
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.