Whats jokes
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.
What's a skeleton's favorite food?
Spare ribs.
What do you call a skeleton in the snow? A numb skull.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
Q: What do you call white people on a black bus?
A: Oreo