Whats jokes
What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?
"Oasis!" (Oh, hey sis!)
If you're American coming into the bathroom,
And you're American coming out of the bathroom,
What are you in the bathroom?
European.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country.
You take four, then you put a "n" at the end, then you take the "u" out, then you replace the "f" with a "p". What do you get?
What's green and is dangerous?
Kermit with a flip knife.
What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"