Gun

Anonymous

So a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half of then the man says wow school supplies are low the week

Hang

Anonymous

You’re reading this thinking I’m gonna make a joke. But in reality I don’t feel comfortable telling this to my family or friends. But 3 weeks ago I went to work and took a knot there and took it home (late night shift) its been hanging in my room for 3 weeks now and my mom and dad haven’t noticed it yet. But my sister is extremely obsessive over me and she won’t stop flirting or touch me and I swear I can’t bare it! Everytime I come home from work she jumps on me she licks my bloody cheek and its getting me stressed! I can’t deal with that shit and I don’t want to! If I’m in my room just on my phone and I try to charge my phone. I can see her literally staring at me from the cap between my door and the opening and she is bloody naked! I tried telling my parents but they already have big drama from each other and I don’t want to put more into it. My closet is not big so I really need to see what I put there. But when I open it and try to find my boxers all I see is my sister’s underwear and those that are used not new ones. You can smell it the moment you open your closet. I’m not gonna be sniffing it to check if it’s new or not because she might be lurking somewhere and it’s gonna be bad new for me! So I rather end my life then being with her! I’m gonna hang myself probably after i write this. No one is home and I’m alone so I can write myself a paper to them and just go for it! It was really nice venting here tho it felt good.

Little Johnny

Anonymous

Little Johnny is in class one day and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says what’s so funny? He said I can see your bra strap. The teacher says don’t come back to class for a week, so he get up and walked out. A few minutes later little Billy starts laughing, and she ask what’s funny now? Little Billy said I can see both of your bra straps. The teacher says get out of my class room for a month. So little Billy got pissed he walked out and slammed the door, this scared the teacher and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up then she stood back up and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked where do you think your going? He said well teach after what I saw I’m done with school for a lifetime.

Biden

Joe Biden’s speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.

Adoption

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew tumed up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5.year.old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. 'mey chatted with her, let her slt with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little lobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a poy envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $1 0 'pay ’ to the bank the next day to start a savings account When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally Impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, ‘l worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.’ ‘Oh, my goodness gracious,’ said the teller, ‘and will you be working on the house again this week, too?’ The little girl replied, 'l will, it those assholes at Lowe’s ever deliver the tucking sheet rock ’

Woman

A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding… …the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.

“My sweet,” she said, “you’re now a woman. I’m so proud. Some advice for you now that you’re married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you’re making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you ‘turn around,’ if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes.”

The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to ‘turn around.’

They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to ‘turn around.’

Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to ‘turn around.’ This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth…

Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, “Honey, we’ve been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could ‘turn around,’ if you know what I mean.”

She replied, emphatically,“No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!”

Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, “That’s all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?”

Deer

Anonymous

Why can’t you have a tall dog… You will have pup’s in a week

Penaldo

Honest Penaldo Fan

Last week I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a BALL. I wondered where it came from but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you Penaldo for almost killing me!

Website

this website it darker than the kid that got arrested last week

Wife

PuroBLW24

My Wife Slept With Another Man And Got Pregnant, She Told Me 9 Weeks Later, I Said It’s Ok And Told Her Let’s Talk Downstairs, So I Pushed Her Down The Stairs

Little Johnny

blowing clouds

little johnny’s mom got a call from school saying to come over, as she dose she is met by the principal. they go into his office and the principal say “your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom.” the mother responds “he is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? bring him in here.” a boy walks in and johnnys mother says “this isnt my son, bring him in here i would like a word with him.” the principal replies “ma’am, this is clouds.” the mother feints

Little Johnny

No Honey for a month

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee, his dad sees this and says “i saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks.” Johnny replies “i don’t care, i don’t like honey anyway.” About fifteen minutes later little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says " i saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little johnny replies “I don’t care, i don’t like butter anyway.” Both little johnny and his dad go in for dinner, johnny’s mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. little johnny looks and smiles and says “do you want to tell her or should i?”

Little Johnny

Anonymous

LITTLE JOHNNY WAS AT HOME AND THEN HE WENT TO HIS GRANDMA’S HOUSEHE WENT THERE TO CUSS SO HE WOULDN’T GET IN TROUBLE. AND SECRETLY GRANDMA CALLED HIS MOMMA TO COME PICK HIM UP. MOMMA ASK WHAT LITTLE JOHNNY DID AND SHE SAID HE CUSSED AND CUSSED AND CUSSED. GRANNY HAD ENOUGH AND CALLED MOM AGAIN MOMMA SAID LITTLE JOHNNY WAS GROUNDED FOR 2 WEEKS AND LITTLE JOHNNY CUSSED SOME MORE NOW HE GROUNDED FOR 3 WEEKS

Cry

watersharky Music Productions

Drivers License-By- watersharky Music Productions and Olivia Rodrigo- I got my driver’s license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren’t around And you’re probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She’s so much older than me She’s everything I’m insecure about Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else? And I know we weren’t perfect but I’ve never felt this way for no one And I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street And all my friends are tired Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them 'Cause they’ll never know you the way that I do, yeah Today I drove through the suburbs And pictured I was driving home to you And I know we weren’t perfect But I’ve never felt this way for no one, oh And I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay, now that I’m gone I guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me ‘Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards Can’t drive past the places we used to go to ‘Cause I still fuckin’ love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Sidewalks we crossed I still hear your voice in the traffic, we’re laughing Over all the noise God, I’m so blue, know we’re through But I still fuckin’ love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) I know we weren’t perfect but I’ve never felt this way for no one And I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay, now that I’m gone 'Cause you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street…

Baby

watersharky

Good For You-Remake-By- watersharky Productions and Olivia Rodrigo- Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (Ah-ah-ah-ah) And good for you, I guess that you’ve been workin’ on yourself I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask Good for you, you’re doin’ great out there without me, baby God, I wish that I could do that I’ve lost my mind, I’ve spent the night Cryin’ on the floor of my bathroom But you’re so unaffected, I really don’t get it But I guess good for you Well, good for you, I guess you’re gettin’ everything you want (ah) You bought a new car and your career’s really takin’ off (ah) It’s like we never even happened Baby, what the fuck is up with that? (Ha) And good for you, it’s like you never even met me Remember when you swore to God I was the only Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask Good for you, you’re doin’ great out there without me, baby God, I wish that I could do that I’ve lost my mind, I’ve spent the night Cryin’ on the floor of my bathroom But you’re so unaffected, I really don’t get it But I guess good for you Ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah Maybe I’m too emotional But your apathy’s like a wound in salt Maybe I’m too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Maybe I’m too emotional Your apathy is like a wound in salt Maybe I’m too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask Good for you, you’re doin’ great out there without me, baby Like a damn sociopath I’ve lost my mind, I’ve spent the night Cryin’ on the floor of my bathroom But you’re so unaffected, I really don’t get it But I guess good for you Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily

Toe

watersharky

Wash It Away- By- Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions-Why does it always feel like I’m The one that’s had a bad day? Whether I’m stuck in traffic or Showing up to work late Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to Forever been working all week For a jerk that thinks they can Say whatever they want to me I’ll just bite my tongue for a Couple more days Soon I’ll be in that island sun Surfing those waves I need the beach I love the ocean Put my feet in the sand Watch the earth in motion Ya had a bad week ya had a bad Day Take it to the shoreside and wash It away Oh yeah You gotta wash it away Finally I’m here and I cant even Stop myself from smiling Somebody hand me a beer and I’ll check the girls on the island Don’t miss my 9 to 5 Living like a local on this island time I got those sandy toes and Nobody knows jump in the Ocean and just go with the flow I’ll miss my sandy toes I’ve got to go back before you Know this island is my home I need the beach I love the ocean Put my feet in the sand Watch the earth in motion Ya had a bad week ya had a bad Day Take it to the shoreside and wash It away Oh yeah You gotta wash it away Wash it away I need the beach I love the ocean Put my feet in the sand Watch the earth in motion Ya had a bad week ya had a bad Day Take it to the shoreside and wash It away Oh yeah You gotta Wash it away Wash it away

Harassment

Anonymous

after a week of this she can’t stand it any longer. the woman goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why?

Paint

Luka

One Tuesday afternoon Little Jonny Decides he wants extra Homework So he went to his teacher and said,Hello can I have extra homework this week and the teacher replied with,Sure be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, Polish the counters,Scrub the Baseboards,Scrub and paint the walls! And johnny replied with,That’s not what I Ment but at least I’ll get paid! And The Teacher said, How about 200 each job? Johnny replied with,OK (Friday afternoon at her house After Johnny Does all the jobs he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said,You do know that Tuesday was April fools day right?

Baby

Air Attack Productions

Can’t anyone relate to this? BEAT WATERSHARKY!!! -Oops!-By- Air Attack Productions and Yung Gravy-Ayy, supercalifragilisticexpiali dope shit Supercalifragi lick my ex be on some ho shit Superman, I get dem bands but ain’t gon’ buy you roses Super-duper get them cougars, took my wrist and froze it Super-duper hoes Y’all got Oompa Loompa hoes I ain’t never knew ya hoes Prolly still ran through 'em, though

Oh, wait, wait, I, I do know your ho? You talkin’ ‘bout, you talkin’ 'bout Tracy? Nah, you mean like, like, Tracy with the ass? Tracy with the, with the Honda? Shit, well

Oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it’s my duty, baby Sippin’ on the goose, like Boosie, baby Yeah, I said oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it’s my duty, baby Sippin’ on the goose, like Boosie, baby

Lil’ bitch, I’m happy and I know it so I clap them fuckin’ cheeks, yeah I’m happy and I show it to your momma in the sheets And I’m happy she’s a freak ho, happy so my teeth glow Yeah, my bitch elite, I be clapping every week My neck, my back, got your momma on my sack My checks, my racks, it’s the return of the motherfuckin’ mack And I stay with the pack, though Clap, clap, then I’m out the backdoor Lil’ Pillsbury, I stack dough Walkin’ with a limp, like a crack ho

Yeah, I said oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the Coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it’s my duty, baby Sippin’ on the goose, like Boosie, baby Yeah, I said oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the Coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it’s my duty, baby Sippin’ on the goose, like Boosie, baby