Week Jokes

Ghostboy169
in Smoking

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.

netflix
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.- Someone very special that needs there joke to be seen

Anonymous

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

1 post hidden

What’s the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one make your whole week.

Anonymous321

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.

D34thr0b3

my mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. i didnt know what she doing but she grab my cock and started sucking. then i found out on porn she was doing deep throat. a couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, i thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. i cried for 5 hours. luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

D34thr0b3

what did Sophie Brussaux’s baby get every week? a face full of sperm

Anonymous

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive”, but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says

ely
in Priest

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive”, but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says

A news headline read: A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight He was in the infantry

Anonymous
in Exam

I have an exam next week so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive”, but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says

I got a roommate, he killed a butterfly and I said no butter for a week, the next day he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch nice try

the guy in your closet

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight, one recess we met together on the playground and she brought me to the corner of the playground, that was my first kiss and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police and they aressted my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson

Anonymous

Wanna story?

One day, my boyfriend told me he had to go on a buisness trip. He said he wouldn’t be back in two weeks, and his dad would check in on me. I was fine with that, cause’ his dad was really nice, and he used to be a model, so he looked good.

Soo a few days later, his dad came to check in on me. And for the next three days, he’d come, and we’d sit on my couch and watch tv, or we’d go out to In-n-out to eat.

So, on the fifth day, we dicided to drink. And one thing led to another. WARNING GRAPHIC

So we watched Gilmore girls, and we were drunk. It started out as us cuddling, and slurrily flirting, then it was making out. Well, on the ninth day we didn’t drink, but we cuddled, then made out. He put my head on his lap, then bent down and whispered: “I’m going.” I stood up, and he undressed me, and we went. He grabbed my boobs and would kiss them, lick them, and bite them. We gave each other lots of hickeys, and it was great. He told me to suck his dik, and I did.We continued, and finally, we went to my bed, and I laied on his dick the whole night, sucking when he told me.

Sooo when my boyfriend came back, a week later, I was really distant from him. He offered sx the next day, but it wasn’t as great as his dad’s.

Now, after about a month, he said we should have some time alone, like a week. I was soooo happy.

So, I called his dad, and his dad came over, but with a friend. “Hey, this is Danny.” His dad introduced. Danny was nice at first, but then he kept making comments about my boobs. He said he’d like to f them, and I thought he was just being sweet.

But that night, I heard footsteps, and my door opened. My boyfriend, (let’s call him Jake,) Jake’s dad jumped up on my bed, and pinned me down. Both of the men were butt-naked. I was kinda scared as Danny jumped up, with a belt. I was rolled over, and Danny took the belt, and began whipping my butt. He finally stopped, but his shoved his dick in my bhut. I was rolled around, again, and both men humped me. They took turns fuking me, and pushed their dcks in my vagina. Jake’s dad cummed me, and it was suddenly like hell.

So, the next morning, both men were sprawled over me, and I felt sick.

The men woke up, and apologised, but I forgave them. I told them I was in love. So for the next week, the like, lived with me, and payed my rent, if I let them sleep with me everynight.

So, pls don’t call me evil, but I told my bf I wanted to break up w him, and I told him I loved his dad. Jake was heartbroken, but I didn’t care. I decided to date his dad, and his friend, Danny, and we had soo much fun. His dad was shit-rich, and so we went to Guicci, and fancy food places on the normal. I was so happy with the boys.I made love with them, but I didn’t want to get pregnant, us three together was all I wanted.

So, we went to Gucci to get swimsuits, anddddd I saw my ex boyfriend. I was horrified he would see me. I pointed it out to my boyfriends, and they usered my away. “Hailey!” I heard him call, and I stopped.In.My.Tracks. I turned around, and he was only like three feet away from me. He saw me with HIS dad, and looked pretty mad. “Danny, what are u doing?” He asked. And I totally forgot to tell him! I told him I was dating his dad, and Danny, and he looked so angry, like he was going to punch them. “You can’t marry two guys!” He screamed at me. I shook my head. I would only marry one, and date the other! Simple. His dad told him to fuck off, and we left Gucci.

So, a year later I married Jake’s dad, just because he was cuter, and dated Danny. We got looks from people, but I didn’t care, it was wonderful with them. I would sleep in the middle of my bed, and they’d sleep at my sides.

So, a while later, we got a house. Like a freaking huuuge house, we all slept in one room, but there was like six guest bedrooms. Again, danny and Jake’s dad, (srry we’ll call Jake’s dad Bill) Danny and Bill were so rich, so we had like a mansion.

Come for part 2