Weapon jokes

What do you call a group of sped kids with AK-47s?

Special forces.

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?

A finger gun.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.

America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"

Japan: "We are the ammo."

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?

A heartless killer.

How do you make epileptic kids dance?

Throw a flash bang in their room.

Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.

Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?

Kid: AK!

Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿‍♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻

What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?

Special forces.

If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

What did the bomber say to the jet?

"Sorry bro, I gotta bomb."

*WAIT NO-*

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.