What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair with a gun? RG-XD
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
Chuck Norris once stabbed the Terminator with Bruce Lee.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
