So I was watching tv right? then i f..ing got banged in the eye with either a remore or metal tongs "wtf"
Why did ze cow cross the road?
yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder faliure
doctor: i'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left. man: what?! what about my family??! my son is still missing! i can't just leave like that! doctor: don't worry sir, i told your family. man: that's.. great.. if they found my son, tell them that i love him more than anything and i couldn't keep that promise. the doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes. doctor: i will... dad..
tq for reading my crappy joke
I tried to find my watch I lost last week but I didn't have the time
Watch BNHA season 4 today
So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.
pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT ITS GONNA BLOW
Hey watch me eat this African sandwich. Takes huge bite of air.
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time...................tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
Jack and Jill went up the hill for drunkin' wild sex, Jack went by Jill to get a lick, and watched Jill get off on a stick
Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill, Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill to build this still will take so long, Jill said to Jack well F---k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill.
Want to watch Titanic?
No, I'm not on board for it.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
I was watching a tv show where a guy was hanging off a cliff then the series ended...guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliff hanger
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping, the boy asks "what is that man doing?". The mom says "Making pizza" trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says "Making extra cheese". When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says "Ordering the pizza".
Later that day the mother says to the father "I think I want some to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, dont know why that sounds good".
So that night the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs "wanna order some pizza !?"
The mother replied "DONT WORRY IM MAKING SOME"
the sons voice followed " IM ADDING EXTRA CHEESE"
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus
I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”
aunt: on internet buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars neice: i found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch its 3 dollars to watch aunt: im not paying for that shit neice: yet u sit there and buy weight loss pills
You watch 50 shades of gray, and you turn gray in bed.
I Was Watching T Siries and i thoght to my self man this sucks my sister watches jameand charels and he alwayssays thats t sires so is it him SUB TO PEWDIEPIE UN SUB TO T SIRES THEY SUCK
