Waste jokes
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
Dump in a stump. Ahahahaha.
How is toilet paper recycled?
Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
What's worse than 10 babies is one dumpster...
1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
What’s worse than three babies in one garbage can?
One baby in three garbage cans.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
I just threw some cigarette butts on the ground while I was driving.
I wasn't clean after this.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.