Want jokes

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Sheep want to wool the world :)

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Want to know what I do in my freetime?

Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

To be wanted.

If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

Because he/she wanted to be wanted!

What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Why can't orphans be criminals?

Because they're not wanted.

Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

Husband: Honey, do you want sex?

Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.

Husband: Is that your final answer?

Wife: Mmmmm.

Husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Yes.

Husband: No doubts?

Wife: No.

Husband staring a long time at his wife.

Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.

A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She says, "Yes, I am."

He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."