I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! š¤¬š”
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didnāt work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
āHey, you canāt leave that lyinā there!ā The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: āItās not a lion. Itās a giraffe.ā
Thereās a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.
How do you get 1000 followers?
Walk into an African village with a water bottle.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
Walk into the club like, "Wow, I got a big penis!"
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
I did a walk.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
