A father and a son were painting pictures together, the son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T and the son said "what happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle, the father replied with "you know what happened, you were there." the son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings - they're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn
i had to stop drinking because i got tired of waking up in my car driving 90
Where do pedofiles do when they wake up
Turn on the child safety lock on the car
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning
So Steven Hawking wake into a bar... Just kidding
sleep and death are alike it just with death you don't wake up
When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says Cutadoodledo!.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?" The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom. Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket int the toilet."
My brother has a fucking was and I wake up to him twerking
nostalgia hits you like a train. it's so hard, you can even wake up.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work but he was still really tired, so he decided the qiuckest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face. So he asked me to do it but I guess I don't know my own strangth and so-he went back to sleep again...
Kid: hey mum why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: shut up son you’ll wake your father!
there is this little boy and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?" She replies with, "These are my headlights." He looks down and says mommy what's that? she says that my garage. so he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says what is that? the dad says this is my snake. later that night he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams mommy, mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage, Daddy's snake is trying to get in!
dad: "honey ill be right back i need to get some papers " me: "ok" falls asleep.. *wakes up in an adoption center* damn it was those kind of papers..
what happens when steaven hawkins wakes up from his sleep?
'log in'
