Wake jokes
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Yo mama so stupid that she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
We are in a matrix, wake up.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Momma's House-By-watersharky Productions and Dustin Lynch- I see your face on every street, every corner, couple trees. Even got her name on 'em. I feel your love, I hear your laugh, got them take me way on back. Hurt me memories, I don't want 'em. Up and down the boulevard. In and out of every bar. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. I would start it where we started, at the downtown party Where you kissed my lips and stole my beer. The city park in the dark where we looked up at the stars Watched them fireworks pop last year. It started under that Texaco sign where you said goodbye I'd get some gas and drop a match right there. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Fire red flames, sunsets in the sky Going out, staying in, staying up long nights. Now I'm waking up alone, wishing I could move on Blocked your number in my phone, thought it help but it don't. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
My day started out great until I woke up.
When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."