Wake Jokes

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home. She realizes she's pregnant, and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feelling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father1"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

a guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road and he smells fish and he says good morning ladies

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6AM but wake up at 7AM. And it's not even a joke.

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you? “Cmon, did ya really think I’d resist a-rest?”

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you then they wake you up and say let’s team up like wtf

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone

Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma? Bcz there is a family reunion.

Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇

👱LADY=hi 💂LIT.BABY=(no reply) 👱LADY=wot is ur name 💂LIT.BABY=no reply 👱LADY=hw old at u 💂LIT.BABY=(no reply) 👱LADY=wot is ur mom's name 💂LIT.BABY=(no reply) 👱LADY=wot about ur dad 💂LIT.BABY=(no reply) 👱LADY=can u spell ur name 💂LIT.BABY=(no reply) 👱LADY= can you spell GOD 💂LIT.BABY=(spelling) G.O.D if a little baby can spell GOD,wot about you. Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if know u will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace,ignore if u are living by power MINE:GOD 😃

A Pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly the man answers I dont wake up the kids.

Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that's my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds "those are my headlights." He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down "daddy whats that?" The dad replies "that's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says "you can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see's them going at it he then yells "mommy turn on you're headlights daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage

Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? There dad can’t wake them up

Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock? So he could wake up inside

hey wake um I just mured you family but I live alone then who are these people in your house they are people in my house well not any more dum bitch you welcome you could have died

Your mom is so fat she wake up on both sides of the bed

If your sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell

There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato" and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayonnaise all over me.

a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells "doctor doctor i cant feel my legs" and the doctor say "i know i amputated your arms"

Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what's that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what's that in between your legs mom: oh that's my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what's that in between your legs dad: oh that's my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there's a snake Going in your bush