Violence

Violence jokes

Grenade launcher

  • Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

    Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

    Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

    Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

    Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

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  • Sally

  • Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

    Everywhere.

    Why did Sally fall off the swing?

    She had no arms.

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Not Sally.

    Glock

  • When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

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  • Rape

  • What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

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  • Rape

  • Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

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  • Baby

  • What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

    One at the bottom that's still alive.

    What's worse than that?

    It's forced to eat its way out.

    What's even worse than that?

    It comes back for seconds.

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  • Hunter

  • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

    “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

    The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

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  • Baby

  • Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

    So you can watch the expression on their face.

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  • Bomb

  • I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

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