Violence jokes

When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

I once got raped. I was asking for it though.

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

One at the bottom that's still alive.

What's worse than that?

It's forced to eat its way out.

What's even worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can watch the expression on their face.

What's black, gold, and red all over?

Tupac in Vegas.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

What's red and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

When is rape normal?

When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."