Violence

Violence jokes

Glock

When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

Parent

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

Rape

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

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  • Baby

    What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

    One at the bottom that's still alive.

    What's worse than that?

    It's forced to eat its way out.

    What's even worse than that?

    It comes back for seconds.

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  • Memes

    Hunter

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

    “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

    The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

    Baby

    Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

    So you can watch the expression on their face.

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  • Rapist

    90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

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  • Child

    Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

    Rape

    I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

    Bomb

    I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

    Difference

    What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

    Baby

    What's red and screams when you shake it?

    A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

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  • Hunter

    One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

    Where are the others?

    They're in his freezer.

    Race Car

    A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

    So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

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