Vehicle jokes
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
How does a train eat?
"Chew chew!"
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What do you call a Mexican without a car?
Carlos.
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What is green and looks like a school bus?
A school bus.
What is big, fun, [and] loud?
A school bus 🚌
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.