Vehicle jokes
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
What part of the train goes "toot toot"?
The caboose.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
Paul's favorite car.
A Carrera GT.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
What do you call a school bus that you cannot drive?
A friend.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
What has 30 legs but can't swim?
A bus full of children!
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..
Hot Wheels.