Vehicle jokes

What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?

Only one gets fuel.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?

She closes the car door.

What is long, yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of orphans.

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

Why do orphans never get a car?

Because their parents need to buy them one.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?

Answer: Hot wheels...

What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.

What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?

Curry in a hurry.

What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."

What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

What did the bus say to the other bus?

"Beep!"

How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?

You shove them on!