Usualness Jokes

My puns drive people nuts, this is usually when I bolt away

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, "how is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?" The 1st friend said, "well you see Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious? the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there's Joe with those 2 assholes."

Why are women like diapers? They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

What is the difference between whores and nuns?

Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do I usually just want to talk, I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5 , I get shutdown so fast , I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring

I might have to back down on this. Cause it is usually aimed for little children.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There usually 90^!

What do inner city schools and database have in common?

Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.

How do stars die? Usually a overdose on an airport.

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky Erotic is usually a feather kinky is using the whole chicken

How do you fuvk a duck? Usually duck a fuck

I'm 5'6, and my mom is 5'1 and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck. And when she tries to hug me she says" You're too fucking tall kid" so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons~ they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone. Then, the birthday boy said "Hey, he's like my dad." "Really" asked a little girl? "I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."

I usually hang up halloween decorations,

but this year imma be the decoration.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."