Usualness jokes
I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
Jokes about the Twin Towers and planes usually crash and burn.
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
The north tower wanted some salted fries at Burger King.
They were plane as usual.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
I usually hang up Halloween decorations,
but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.
Yeah, I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.
There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.