Use jokes

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.

When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.

Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use?

A) Head and Shoulders.

Q) What’s Stephen’s favorite food?

A) Shoulders.

For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking 💕

Yo mama so fat when she wanted to get wet, she used the highway as a slippin' slide!

How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?

They were always using pyramid schemes!

What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?

Panera Lead.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.

Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.

“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”

“From my father,” said Johnny.

“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”

“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

TRUE STORY!

X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.

I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!

Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

Ching chong kading dong.

(My best words ever used).

"AMONG US" AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US AMONG US

In the realm of words, I shall embark, To craft a verse, both bold and stark, Thomas Bulgin, a name that ignites, A tale of length and moist delights.

Free from the chains of structured rhyme, I wander through this realm, sublime, Thomas Bulgin, a phrase so strange, Evoking thoughts that rearrange.

Long, it stretches, like a winding road, Leading us to depths, yet to be bestowed, In syllables, it dances and it plays, A journey we embark, in myriad ways.

Moist, a word that teems with life, A touch of nature, amidst the strife, It whispers of raindrops on tender leaves, Of dew-kissed petals and gentle heaves.

Thomas Bulgin, a phrase so surreal, Unleashing emotions, that time cannot seal, In this short verse, I strive to convey, A glimpse of what these words might say.

So let us ponder, the mystery untold, Of Thomas Bulgin, both long and bold, For in the realm of poetry's sweet embrace, Even the unusual finds its rightful place.

What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?

Dumb right wingers.

If you argued that God was a woman, 49.8% of the US population would try and raise Hell.

Just to ask the other guy.

Talk about a male supremacist religion.