US jokes

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.

I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.

Usually I just use tissues.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.

Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?

Because they use honeycombs.

If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.

Why can’t an orphan use an iPhone?

Because it can’t find the home button.

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

Do you think he saw us?

I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.

When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?