US jokes

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

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Thank you, -Connor

Did you know that in 2001 there was an Among Us game, except that it was on a plane and had two imposters.

Who's the Roblox YouTuber that always sees Among Us and says "stupid"?

Why can’t orphans use a phone? Because they can't find the home button.

Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!

You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?

There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.

Two kids were beating up a ginger kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Your forehead is so big that it was used as a billboard.

Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?

A. He was trying to phone home.

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."