US jokes

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

What do you call a U.S. border hopper?

A Mexican jumping bean.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.

Your forehead is so big that it was used as a billboard.

Two kids were beating up a ginger kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

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Who's the Roblox YouTuber that always sees Among Us and says "stupid"?

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

What flour do orphans use?

Self-raising flour.

Did you know that in 2001 there was an Among Us game, except that it was on a plane and had two imposters.

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?

There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.

Why can’t orphans use a phone? Because they can't find the home button.

Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!