US jokes

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.

How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?

They were always using pyramid schemes!

Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.

When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?

Panera Lead.

What kind of Panera Bread do fishers use?

Panera bait.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

If Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country is a 3rd world country?

What does Biden do? He does you.

What does do something useful unlike you?

He entered (kindergarten) class. The teacher said, "Luce, start for us and say the alphabet." He said, "A B C D E F G H I J K *just kidding* L M N O." Laugh my nose off. The teacher said, "Go to the office right now, young man!" I don't understand, he just said jokes to the teacher, lmao :D

How did the guy rob the water park?

He used a water gun!

LOL 💦🔫💧🌊

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.

I feel wrong. What does this make us?

Still cousins.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!

They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.

Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.

As a kid, I used to eat a sour herb from a certain spot near a rock.

Now I pee on it, just following the ritual of Africa.

What is war used for? (put in comments below)