US jokes

I used to be a fan, but after seeing her OnlyFans account, I'm a whole air conditioner.

Why did Stephen die so early?

He didn't use long lasting batteries.

Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.

On a winter day many play.

Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.

Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?

So they can be connected.

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

The condom was actually useful at one point.

Hi, my name is Unknown Guy! Please join my group for the picture I show you, we will do this every week!

Thanks, leave a comment or sign in using the sign in sheet that I have in Google Forms or own the website.

Hint: Pictures of woman.

Btw, for men only!

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

What does iCloud eat for lunch?

Your documents.

What do cheap people use to talk?

Free speech.

China, unban Google, r.n. noOoOooOw!

Yo mama so fat when she wanted to get wet, she used the highway as a slippin' slide!

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use?

A) Head and Shoulders.

Q) What’s Stephen’s favorite food?

A) Shoulders.

For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking 💕

For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Know the nuclear bombs of the world.

🇷🇺🧨 a “bad” bomb

🇨🇳🧨 “ww3”

🇬🇧🧨 a “good” bomb

🇺🇸🧨 Japanese area testing

🇮🇱🧨 what bomb

🇮🇷🧨 just self defence

You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.

Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.

“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”

“From my father,” said Johnny.

“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”

“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”