Ur Jokes

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!

Your forehead is so big, your face is on your chin.

Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

Balls in your jaws.

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.