Ur jokes

When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.

My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?

My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?

My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!

The songs: We understand you :)

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."

"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."

Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.

Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.

Person 2: I know how to fix that!

... Next day person commits suicide...

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."

Roses are red, lemons are sour.

Spread your legs and give me an hour.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

This is really mean...

A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."

My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."

You're so poor you wash paper plates.