My friends: ugh why are you so lazy and no fun My parents: why can’t u be like ur siblings My teacher: I don’t care if ur depressed focus on ur study! The songs: we understand you :)



Me-are you an orphan? Boy-yeah, what gave me away? Me-…ur parents


No name nick

This is really mean… A man put a blind man in a circular room and said ur dinners in the corner



John : hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming

Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am



What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman?




Boy and girl playing hide and seek… girl: I found you, Boy: what gave me away, Girl: ur parents obviously



Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?

You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be ur friend



My dog got mad at me for touching his toy he said “ get ur paws of my toy.

Toilet Paper


What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

Answer: they both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!


Russian (not a) Soldier

I can NOT take any responsibility and credit for this, it just said whats ur favourite joke so Im writing it in favor of them: A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”


will ツ

Mom:i was an orphan once,The kid:oh ok idgaf,Mom:and ur gonna be too! :),The kid:ok idga-WAIT WHAT THE FU-



Person 1: you are the dumbest person in the class. Person 2: well ur the second. Person 2: maybe but at least im not the dummest. Person 2: i know how to fix that! … Next day person commits sucide…



there was always that one SPECIFIC person u THOUGHT ruined ur life,but it turns out ur life has always been ruined by u being in it…


olivia bombard

Your forehead is so big, your face is on ur chin.



Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom…" Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide…



Ur American when u walk to the bathroom. what are you when ur in there

Ur-a-peen Eurapean


Anonymous JC

my sister was hitting on my boyfriend im 11 shes 9 she said go ur self so i said : “ok thanks for the idea”


Kc Cooper

My friend txted me and asked me "Hey. Whts ur favorit emoji?" I said "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬" She said "why?" I said “Cause its your twin”



when u think Ur moms a virgin then u stumble into the wrong closet



ur mom gai