Try jokes
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
Try not to <3.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!
What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.
The emo tried to high five the tree, and it left him hanging.
The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five, but the tree left him hanging.
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
Oooh, I fall apart. Oooh, yeah, mmhmm. She told me that I'm not enough, yeah, And she left me with a broken heart, yeah. She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah. She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah. Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah, And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah. Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Never caught a feelin' this hard Harder than the liquor I pour Tell me you don't want me no more But I can't let go Everybody told me so Feelin' like I sold my soul Devil in the form of a whore Devil in the form of a whore You said it No, you said it No, you said it We'd be together Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' Covered in scars and I can't help showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin' Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' All these scars, can't help from showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
An emo tried to give me a high five...
I left him hanging.