Try jokes
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.
Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.
If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!
Yo mama's so gay that, after watching Aladdin, she tried to fly on a pride flag!
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to ride Ponyboy Curtis.
Yo mama so fat,
Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.