Tree jokes
One hot day a cow wanted some shade.
He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
Ur dad lesbian.
Ur sister a mister.
Ur family tree LGBT.
Ur family reunion a homosexual communion.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.