Tree jokes
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
Q) What do trees call deforestation?
A) TREASON!
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
I always look at the earth and think, "Ahh, this is TREE-ific!"
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
Y'all are whack at jokes, y'all suck!
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."
What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
I like pepper.
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
What is brown and extremely sticky?
A stick.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.