Tragedy jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What did the titanic say as it was sinking?
I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.
*School shooting happens.*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*
American student: "First time?"
Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"
American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!