Worst Jokes Ever

How did Hitler tie his shoes?

He tied them in little Nazis.

Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Bikini.

Bikini who?

Oh, that was just a bikini.

I'm illegal.

Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.

Let's just say Dawn got very mad.

Why was the giraffe late to work?

Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

Roses are red, I sniff marijuana, I have five fingers, The middle one is for your vagina.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.

Why can Asian people buy phones?

'Cause they might call the wrong number.

What is a cannibal's favorite drink?

Coffee.

Riddle me this. Riddle me that.

Why did my parents never come back?