Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
Worst Jokes Ever
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.
What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
