Worst Jokes Ever

What atom presents TV shows?

David Atombrough.

Me: Hi Kallen.

Kallen: Hi.

Me: You're too big to fit in my car.

What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?

"Polly want a quacker!"

Worst joke ever.

Ahhhhhhh!

Sisters before misters.

I hope you get better.

I love you.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.

What did the Olympic Swimmer call his son?

Paul.

Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?

What's a tree's least favorite TV show? Chopped!

What were Paul Walker's last words?

Hey, that tree's growing!

Why can't Asians play cricket?

Because they will eat the ball.

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

Roses are red, I'm off the grid,

John Cena accidentally says "you can't see me" to a blind kid.

What is the best joke in the world? Women’s rights.

I rate the Twin Towers 9/11, very stable buildings.

What's the difference between me and you?

Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-

When you see someone, you say, "Go suck bananas."

When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."