Worst Jokes Ever
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?
Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.
Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...