Worst Jokes Ever
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Broken pencil.
Broken pencil who?
Never mind, it's pointless.
Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Banana!
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.
Why couldn't an orphan have an iPhone 6? He couldn't find the home button.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally… you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.