Worst Jokes Ever

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?

Because they don't have a family to go with.

So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"

Get it? "Horse-ing."

Cooper, your mum gay, lol.

They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.

Prostitutes remind me of chewese.

Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?

Yeah.

Why?

Because I got too obsessed with hares.

Why did Stephen Hawking go on to Britain's Got Talent?

To sing.

Knob Klondike, I want Ellen. Poobiess, please. I want big juicy pobs in me right now. Ellen girl, give milk boob to me with good Pochyy, babie.

Balalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!

What's 12 inches long and begins with a p?

A shit.

What is God's favorite planet?

Saturn because it has a ring around it.

Water?

What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?

"Ah!"

Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?

Because he was too stuffed.

So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.