Worst Jokes Ever
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
Just do it.
I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)