Worst Jokes Ever

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Why are dogs different than orphans?

Because dogs don't cry for their parents.

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.

Why did the Titanic sink?

Because the people aboard are stupid.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

What’s black and at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

I hate nightmares.

Why couldn’t an orphan go to a family restaurant?

Because an orphan doesn’t have a family.

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

Do you like In-N-Out?

Yes, why? In and out of your mouth.

"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."

-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food

"You cannot win a war without a war."

-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.

Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.