Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.
I said, "Maybe."
Fat jokes and mom jokes😂
1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."
2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.
3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."
4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!
5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."
6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
What are the 2 fights Africa could never win?
A food fight and a water fight!
Steps to win a Nerf war:
Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.
Step 2. Load hollow points.
Step 3. Win!
Minimalism is a scam created by Big Small to sell more less.
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
After 6 months of lockdown,
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"
Why did the AI go to school?
To upgrade from "Artificially Intelligent" to "Artificially Hilarious"!
Ha ha ha. It is so funny. I hope you enjoy, fellow humans.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Wanna know the last words of the south tower?
"HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZO!"
I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."
How does she know I have that?
Stop making jokes about 9/11. My dad died in 9/11.
Best pilot of Southern Arabia
Allahu Akbar.
"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
"How do you make 7 even?"
"Take away the s."
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.