Worst Jokes Ever

My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

Why woman?

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Finger food.

How do you kill a sheep?

You lamb shank it!

Why do orphans become criminals?

To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Pillsbury was a fruit.

Good Morning, Sleepy-Head!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."

Yo mama's so fat, she's both in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?

One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.

Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.