Worst Jokes Ever
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
American: How do you use a PC?
Amish: We use a potato.
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked his mom.
Bald Eagle.
Yo mama is so skinny, she makes friends with a snake.
I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother had diabetes.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."