Worst Jokes Ever
What turns green, purple, and white? A chameleon.
Which one fell first?
The depressed kid or the feather? Look at 1st comment to see answer.
Moxxie: ThEy CaLlEd Me A pOsSuM!! i'M nOt A pOsSuM!!
Roses are red, violets are blue.
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who are you? Are you an owl or something?
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...
Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
An orphan walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Buddy, you have to go home." The orphan replies, "Where is home?"
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.