Worst Jokes Ever
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."
What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?
Michelin.
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
What do you call a committee of emo kids?
A cutting board!
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.