Worst Jokes Ever

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

What do you white people use as pronouns?

Crack/her.

It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...

He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.

What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?

You’ve got to get more than one down.

What's the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?

Not too sure. I just fly the drone.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.

The Cheerio Joke

Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.

So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.

The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

What do you call 8 x 3.14?

Octopi.

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.

What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.

"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?

Why do Asians excel at math?

Because their dog can never eat their homework.

I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......