Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Stephen Hawking walks into a b... nevermind.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
What does Hellen Keller call her dog?
"NAUSHFBUYGWF"
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."