Worst Jokes Ever
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."
Having sex while camping is fucking in-tents.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
Asian pregnancy test:
Stick a Rubix cube into pussy.
Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
"Consent is just some fucked up feminist propaganda."
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands!