Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?
Pretty nuts!
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.
But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?
What is big, fun, [and] loud?
A school bus π
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"
"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
Why did the skeleton have no friends?
He was a boner!
Heheheh!
Ah, see ya soon kiddo.
I'm going on break.
I'll give you some fried snow later!
Whatβs 2 Mexicans playing basketball called?
"Juan on Juan."
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell?
Because there is a stairway to heaven.
Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.
You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. δ»ε¦η
The first guy: What's δ»ε¦η?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose δ»ε¦η.
The Chinese: Ok, δ»ε¦η to the death!
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!